Wild Turkey Kevin Leads Attack on Quivering Humans in Massachusetts Town

Turkeys don’t stand a chance this time of year, but one flock of gobblers is taking back what’s theirs (America) starting with one New England town. The human inhabitants of Woburn, Massachusetts, population 41,000, have been under attack by an obnoxious group of five wild turkeys, a thuggish gang led by a tom named Kevin.

When the birds first arrived in town two years ago, they were mostly docile, but over time they’ve grown increasingly aggressive. “They don’t let you out of your house,” resident Meaghan Tolson told the Guardian. “They peck at cars, they stop traffic. They go after kids on bikes. If you’re walking or jogging, or anything like that, they come for you.”

Tolson’s home in particular has been targeted by the angry birds, but they’ve also been launching attacks on pedestrians and postal workers, “stopping traffic and viciously pecking at tires,” as MassLive describes it.

Tolson, who named the one male in the gang Kevin, says the other turkeys are mostly well-behaved when he’s not around.

Wild turkeys were once abundant in Massachusetts but the steady attrition of habitat loss eliminated the indigenous population by 1851. In the 1970s, biologists brought 37 turkeys over from New York and released them in the Berkshires. By the fall of 1978 the small flock had grown to an estimated 1,000 birds and had spread throughout the state, a rebound that was so impressive that in 1991, the wild turkey was named the state’s official game bird. Today there are between 30,000 and 35,000 birds.

MassWildlife, a division of the state’s Fisheries and Wildlife agency, has issued tips to keep the turkeys away, including “Don’t hesitate to scare or threaten a bold, aggressive turkey with loud noises, swatting with a broom or water sprayed from a hose. A dog on a leash is also an effective deterrent.”

Although the turkeys are terrorizing the town, no one really wishes them ill, not even Tolson. “When I don’t see them for a couple of days, I think: ‘Oh, no, someone has run them over’,” she said.“I mean, yeah, they can be a pain sometimes. But, you know, they’re just turkeys.” Maybe she has Stockholm syndrome?

Photo credit: MassWildlife